To Be Vulnerable
by Ms. Ahem
Summary: FFIV Edge and Rydia care about each other, but they have trouble getting around to saying so. Filling in a few gaps and tying off loose ends from the end of the game.
1. Chapter 1 Lonely

Author's Note: Like so many of us, I wanted closure on Rydia and Edge's relationship. So here's my attempt at filling in the gaps and tying off the loose ends. Please read and review so I know whether or not I should bother continuing.

Chapter One: Lonely

Rydia sat by herself, looking at her home planet through one of the… windows? portholes? at any rate, one of the glass panels in the belly of the _Whale_. After they had defeated Zeromus and left behind Golbez and FuSoYa, everyone had been pensive. And with the exception of Cecil and Rosa, it seemed like everyone wanted to be pensive alone.

She was a little relieved that it was all over, but then, she had liked the adventure of it all, and she had learned so much along the way. But now it was over. Now they were headed back to the Blue Planet. There would be celebrations, yes, and then… well, then what?

She missed her home in the Land of the Summoned Monsters, and she missed her foster-family there. And yet, she knew that, once there, she would miss her friends. And as much as she tried to hide it from herself, there was one in particular that she'd miss.

She wasn't really sure what the relationship between her and Edge was. He had flirted with her shamelessly, but she didn't set much stock in that. But there had been moments, here and there, where there seemed to be actual feeling in the way he acted towards her or looked at her. He certainly felt _something_ for her, though he showed no interest in addressing the issue seriously.

And she felt _something_ for him, though she couldn't make up her mind whether it was a silly little girl's crush or something more substantial. It wasn't his looks, and it wasn't even his skill that she was drawn to (not that she didn't appreciate both of those), and that made her think there might be something to it. He had heart. He had passion. Whatever he did, he did it _fiercely_. She liked that. He'd be a good man, maybe even a great man, provided he ever stopped acting like an obnoxious teenager.

But when all was said and done, Edge would be going to Eblan, and Rydia would be going to the Land of the Summoned Monsters, and that was that.

She thought about lingering in the upworld, but no, she ought to go home. If Edge had a problem with that, then he could grow up and string together some non-sarcastic words to tell her so.

"Hey, Rydia?"

Speak of a monster, and he appears. At least, if you're a Summoner.

She turned in her seat, and sure enough, there he was. Normally, she'd have shot back a sarcastic answer, but this was different. His voice didn't sound like he'd just _won_ a battle to decide the fate of the planet. So instead she said gently, "What is it?"

He dropped into a seat near hers. He wasn't looking at her. "Oh," he said, all of the sudden sounding very nonchalant. "It's just that, y'know, I was kinda bored."

"Oh." The gentleness was gone from her voice now. "Glad to be entertainment for you. Shall I sing or dance?"

She expected a cocky smile, and something like, "You know I like to watch you dance." Instead, he was frowning. "I didn't mean it like that," he muttered. "I just… I wanted to talk to you. Should I leave you alone?"

"No," she said. It wasn't gentle, but it was sincere. "Stay. What did you want to talk about?"

"You're not going back to… to where you came from when we get back… are you?"

Was he reading her mind? "I was planning on it, yeah. Why?"

He looked her in the eye for just a moment, then looked out at the planet below. "Just wondering. I… we… When I get to Eblan, they're going to make me a king." He laughed a little shakily. "I mean, I always knew it would happen some day, but I never figured it would be so soon."

She wasn't sure what to say to that. She didn't know anything about being a king, or a queen, either, for that matter. "It must be pretty rough for you."

A smile tugged at his lips when she spoke. "Yeah, a bit. But I want to be a good king. My people need a good king right now. I don't know if I'm cut out for it, though."

She couldn't help but smile a little. "If sheer force of will counts for anything, you'll do fine."

He really smiled then, and looked at her. "Thanks." After a moment, he looked away again. "Why do you want to go back?"

She was taken slightly off guard by the sudden subject change. "My family is there. It's my home."

"Your—" he cut himself off. He opened and shut his mouth a couple more times before saying angrily, "You should be with _people_."

"'With people'?" she spat back at him. "I've seen humans do things just as horrible as any monster could, and I've seen monsters do things just as noble as any human could. We're all 'people.'"

It was a moment before he responded. "I just meant… oh, forget about it." He stood and left.

They barely spoke again before they went their separate ways on the Blue Planet.

* * *

Rydia had been home for a few months. It was a strange time for her. She was happy to be back in the Land of Summoned Monsters, and happy to be with old friends and her foster family. And yet… whenever she had a free moment, she couldn't help but wonder what Edge was doing. 

She was lying awake one evening in her room when a voice at the door called out, "Rydia? Are you awake? May I come in?"

It was Queen Asura, her foster mother. "Yes, come in." There was a catch in her voice.

Rydia didn't get up, and Asura came and sat on the edge of her bed brushing Rydia's green bangs out of her eyes in that soothing way that only a mother can.

They stayed like that for a while, until finally Asura spoke. "When you first got back, we thought maybe you missed the excitement, that life here seemed too dull for you. But it's not that. Anyone can that see you love it here, that you love the life you lead here. And it didn't go away, the melancholy hanging about you. You're happy, but you're not happy. Won't you tell me what's the matter?"

It was another long moment before Rydia answered. "I'm not sure. I think… I'm lonely."

"Do you wish you were among humans?" Asura's voice sounded as though she had dreaded this possibility.

"No!" Rydia insisted. "No, it's not that! I'm not lonely for my species, I'm lonely for… for someone special. I want what you have with Leviathan."

Asura smiled down at her. "You're growing up. It's only natural. Everyone loves you, dear; I'm sure we could set you up with an eligible young mo—" Rydia rolled onto her side and blinked at tears. "You don't want to be set up, do you?"

"No," she moaned, and tears leaked out of the corners of her closed eyes.

"There's already someone, isn't there?"

As her foster mother spoke, Rydia rolled over onto her stomach and buried her face in her pillow. She nodded into it and spoke a muffled, "Uh-huh."

Several motherly hands—all Asura's—stroked the green hair comfortingly. "Is he a monster?" Asura's voice was hopeful but doubtful.

Rydia shook her head and said, "No," into the pillow.

"I seem to recall a young prince in your party of humans."

Rydia's small frame was racked with a sob.

"He doesn't return your feelings?" Asura asked, unbelieving.

Rydia rolled back onto her back and sat up. "I don't know." Her voice sounded small in her ears. "Sometimes it seemed like he did. Sometimes I wasn't so sure. But he didn't say anything about it, and he hasn't tried to contact me. He's a king now. He probably has women lining up to see him. He's forgotten all about me."

She sobbed a few more times, and Asura held her until she had calmed. "I half-expected _I'd_ forget all about _him_. But I haven't."

"There, there. No young man could forget _you_ once he met you, dear. You'll see. He's probably just trying to figure out the best way to say how he feels."

* * *

Edge felt awful. He didn't want to get up, get out of bed, and work. He didn't want to meet a new beautiful young maiden and be utterly bored of her company within five minutes, as he'd done so many times since returning to Eblan. At first, he'd been quite sure that any young, pretty female would easily replace Rydia. When he wasn't at all interested in the first few, he decided that he'd just have to look harder. Certainly there was at least one young woman in his kingdom who could get his mind off of _her_.

_This has gone on long enough_, he thought, still sprawled on his bed in the same position he'd awoken in. _None of them will do. None of them are Rydia._

"Rydia," he whispered her name, just for the pleasure of it. Then he banged his head into his pillow a few times. Days that started like this were never happy days for him.

It was all his fault, and he knew it. He'd spent his whole life keeping people away with a cocky attitude and a few sarcastic lines—especially when it came to women. No emotional involvement for Edge, no sir. _Yeah, well look where that's got me._

The two people he'd ever really loved were his parents, and they died. _At my own hands,_ he reminded himself. But with their death came a cause, something to fight for, something _worth_ fighting for, and he'd given himself to it whole-heartedly. He actually cared about the friends he'd made then. It was a good feeling.

But then there had been Rydia.

Well, of course, he liked her right from the start—she was quite the looker. And then two things happened at once. Sharing in a cause he believed him allowed him to develop actual feelings for her. Being at all interested in her led him to behave towards her almost exactly the same way he'd always treated women.

So it must have looked to her like he was a jerk trying to get some easy action, while in fact he was falling for her. Falling hard. Onto what felt like a bed of spikes.

He pounded his head into his pillow a few more times for good measure.

He looked over at the door of his chamber, reminding himself that he had work to do. He thought back to his attempt at a real conversation with Rydia on the return flight from the moon. He had wanted to be a good king. And she'd had faith in him.

Well, he was doing a bang-up job so far.

_Well, lover-boy, mooning around in bed all day is all well and good, but what are you going to _do_ about it?_

He had no answer to that. He knew he could probably reach her if he tried. There were times when he thought about fighting his way single-handedly through the caves that led to her "home." But what would he say to her? He was ashamed of himself. He was ashamed of the poor excuse for a king he had been so far. She had seemed perfectly happy to go back. What would he do, show up and tell her that he missed her—that he loved her—that he needed her by his side?

Of all the reactions he could imagine her having, the only ones he believed were possible were the ones where she laughed at him and told him to go home and grow up.

_I'm not worthy of her in the state I'm in. But I've no motivation to _become_ worthy. If she were_ here_, then I'd want to get up and be a good king—no, a _great_ king! But what's the point if she'll never know?_


	2. Chapter 2 Salt in an Open Wound

Author's Note: Just one thing I wanted to mention with this chapter—those of you who, like me, played the American release (under the name FFII) will remember the bard Edward. I'm using his original name from the Japanese release (Gilbert) partly out of deference to it being the original character name, and partly because Edward is supposed to be Edge's real name, and it never made sense to me why they chose it, of all names, to replace the name Gilbert. I'm not sure why they changed it at all.

Chapter 2: Salt in an Open Wound

Rydia had come to the wedding with one purpose in mind—to talk to Edge and find out whether or not he had feelings for her. The tearful conversation with Asura had been the lowest point of her year, but she still cared for Edge and thought of him often.

She was the last to arrive at Baron, and upon entry into the throne room, she approached Cecil and Rosa, gave them both her personal greeting and a formal one on behalf of King Leviathan and Queen Asura, and then withdrew. Edge was there. She had forgotten just how handsome he was. She thought about waiting for a more private opportunity to approach him, but surely she could say a brief greeting?

"Edge, I—"

He turned away.

"Edge?"

There was no response.

She put a hand on his shoulder. "Edge, please—"

He shook her off.

She took her place amongst the well-wishers. _He wouldn't even look at me._

* * *

After the ceremony, there was a ball with a banquet. Rydia wanted very much to be happy with her friends, for their sakes, but she didn't have it in her. It hurt to be in the same room with Edge, knowing that he didn't want to have anything to do with her. Even if he had found someone else, she could handle that, if he would just talk to her. She would rather have him as a friend than remove him entirely from her life.

She found as secluded a corner of the room as she could for the banquet, half-hoping to hide from Edge and half-hoping to run into him there. She had more or less intended to wallow alone in her disappointment for during the meal, make a half-hearted attempt at celebrating, and then retire to the room where she was staying in the castle. But her plans were interrupted. Gilbert had followed her to her corner.

"I understand why you want to hide out here, so I'll only ask this once: are you sure you don't want to be in the thick of all the merry-making?"

She nodded grimly. "I'm sure."

He smiled his understanding. "Very well." She thought he'd go to where the others were then, but instead he took the seat next to hers.

After a moment of awkward silence, she said quietly, "You should be celebrating with Cecil and Rosa."

"I should be with a friend who is hurting, and who shouldn't be left alone to watch her other friends celebrate their love. A wedding is about the worst time to have someone you care for treat you badly. It's like rubbing salt into an open wound."

She laughed just a little at that.

"Listen, Rydia, don't be too upset by the way Edge behaved today."

"He wouldn't even look at me!" she protested.

Gilbert put up a hand, gesturing her to calm down. "Hear me out. I may not know him very well, but I think I have an idea of what he's going through. If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't have had a problem interacting with you."

The first course was brought out, but Rydia was barely able to touch it.

"Eat," urged Gilbert. "If anyone should be suffering loss of appetite from this, it's him."

Rydia responded by shooting the bard a skeptical look out of the corner of her eye and poking at her salad with a fork.

"I'm not just saying it!" he insisted. "The poor fellow is probably beside himself trying to figure out how to explain himself to you."

"You're like a big brother," said Rydia. "It's like you have to tell me that to try and cheer me up."

"Oh, very well," he said, good-naturedly. "If you want to be upset, then be upset. Who am I to try and offer my counsel and insight, gained by a longer life and a shared gender with the subject of interest? I apologize for such a dastardly presumption."

Rydia smiled, but it didn't maker her believe any of the things he'd said. No amount of well-intentioned 'wisdom', however wise or un- it may have been, could convince her to disbelieve the memory of the cold and callousness with which Edge had treated her earlier that day.

Course after course was brought out, and Rydia ate a few bites, mostly due to Gilbert's cajoling. They didn't speak of Edge any longer, and Rydia spoke little at all, but the bard kept a pleasant conversation going with what little she was willing to give, and he kept it light enough to keep her from thinking too long or deeply about the pain in her heart.

When the last dishes were removed from the table and the dancing began, Gilbert leaned toward her with a glint in his eye that was as close to mischievous as he could manage. "Would you like to dance? I'm a little out of practice, but I used to be very good."

"I appreciate the offer, but I think I've had enough of the party. I'm going to call it a night."

"Will you be all right?" he asked. "Should I walk you to your room?"

She smiled as she got to her feet. "I'll be fine. I'm just going to go to sleep."

He stood as well. "All the better! I'll play you a lullaby, and you'll nod right off—no unnecessary dwelling on unpleasant thoughts."

"But you'd miss the celebration."

He grinned and waved away her concern with a gesture of his hand. "I'll be back before anyone even notices I'm gone. Come on, I insist."

* * *

As Gilbert walked Rydia to her room, she looked up at him with those big, innocent green eyes, and asked, "Thanks, Gilbert. But why are you being so nice to me?"

He smiled softly. "Well, I suppose there are two reasons. For one, I know heartbreak, and I don't like to see others go through it needlessly. For another—and you're going to hate me for this—when I look at you, I don't see the accomplished and skilled young woman that you have become. I see the lost little girl, full of raw talent, who agreed to help the man who killed her mother cross a desert and enter the lair of the Antlion to get the sandruby that would heal the woman he loved." His smile broadened. "You hate me, don't you?"

She simply rolled her eyes and said, "You really are just like a big brother."

He waited outside her room until she had changed into a nightdress. When she announced that he could enter, he did. She was already under the covers, but he made a point of tucking her in and giving her a light kiss on the forehead. "Good night, little sister."

"Good night. And thank you."

He played his harp for her, a sweet and mellow lullaby, and after she had fallen asleep, he left.

No sooner had he closed her door behind him than he was grabbed roughly by the front of his shirt.

"If you laid so much as a finger on her, I swear, I'll—" began a very angry ninja before Gilbert could cut him off.

"Calm down, Edge. I tucked her in and played her a lullaby, that's all. I don't have any designs on her or any such thing."

Edge let him go, but he still looked enraged. "Why should I trust you?"

"Because I'm on your side," Gilbert said with a smile. "I want the two of you to work things out. She's asleep now. If I were you, I'd wait till morning to talk to her." After a moment's silence, he added. "I do hope you had that in mind, and that you didn't come here for the sole purpose of beating the tar out of me."

"I—" Edge started, unsure. "I don't know. Mostly I wanted to make sure you kept your hands off of her."

"While I'm sure she'd be happy to know you were concerned, I would recommend actually speaking to her at some point. I know it's difficult to make yourself vulnerable, but there comes a point when you just have to buckle down and do it. If you can't do it for your own sake, Edge, do it for hers. She's hurting because of the way you acted today."

"Yeah, she's not the only one," Edge muttered as he turned away before stalking off down the hall.


	3. Chapter 3 A Very Good Thing

**A/N: A big thanks to those who've reviewed. Sorry there was such a big wait for this chapter. I don't intend to continue this fic any further, but who knows, maybe the next time I play FFIV, I'll decide I want to do a follow-up.  
**

* * *

Edge rose before the sun and slipped a note under Rydia's door on his way out of the castle. He had stayed up long into the night deciding what to write. Many drafts had been apologetic, a few had striven to be romantic, but none of them had satisfied him. So the note that Rydia would find when she woke merely read, 

Meet me in town-- the bridge by the waterfalls. I'll be waiting.

Edge

And wait he did. He stretched, warmed up, and began practicing rolls back and forth over the wooden planks of the bridge. Working out kept him focused and prevented him from dwelling on the coming confrontation. He had spent the previous evening thinking about all the things he wanted to say, and he'd learned enough during that time to realize that the perfect way to tell her whatever it was that he wanted to say would not come to him, and even if it did, he wouldn't remember it right.

When he heard someone approaching, he sat down on the bridge and let his legs dangle. He was looking at the three little waterfalls.

"I hope you were planning on saying something this time." It wasn't said caustically, which it very well could have been, and for that Edge was grateful.

But he couldn't stifle his knee-jerk reaction. "No, I thought I'd invite you here to ignore you some more."

"I didn't come to play games, Edge. If you did, then I should leave now."

"Don't," he said, serious this time. He looked at her. She stood at the edge of the bridge, a light breeze toying with a stray wisp of green hair. There was something different about her now. "You're older," he said finally.

"A bit, yes. That's what happens when you spend the better part of an upworld year in the Land of Summoned Monsters." She walked onto the bridge, so that she was standing just a few feet away. "Don't tell me that's why you snubbed me yesterday? Because now I act as old as you actually are, and you still act as old as I actually am?" Her last sentence was accusatory, and it fell on his ears like a flail.

"I deserved that," he admitted quietly. He'd been wearing his mask, but now he took it off. "Listen, the reason I acted like I did yesterday... I was afraid." It was no small thing for him to say, and he hoped she appreciated that.

"Afraid of what?" Not harsh, not gentle. Just there.

He pulled one leg up onto the bridge and brought his knee to his chest, resting his hands on it. He made himself keep looking at her as he spoke. "Afraid of you. Afraid of how I would react when I saw you. Afraid that it would hurt too much if it looked like your life had been going along just fine and dandy without me."

She sat down and, looking at the waterfalls, said, "You're really not good at this, are you?"

"No, I'm not," he said, laughing earnestly. After a brief moment he added, "What am I admitting to be bad at exactly? Right now I can think of several things."

She turned her head to look at him. "Apologizing. You haven't said once that you're sorry."

He pounded a fist against the bridge and muttered, "Idiot." Then to her, he said, "Does it still count if I say it now that you've told me?"

She seemed to be thinking it over for a moment as she gave him a critical look. "For most people, I'd say 'no.' But I think someone of your ineptitude can be allowed a little leeway." The way she said it, it was friendly teasing. It was a thinly-veiled kindness, not an insult.

He felt like he should preface it with something--anything--but he didn't know what else to say. "Rydia, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. The way I acted was stupid and immature. You deserve to be treated better than that."

She smiled. He couldn't remember ever seeing such a genuine smile on her face directed at him. I could get used to this apologizing thing, if it always ends like this.

"I forgive you."

"It's not the only thing I'm sorry for, either. I've never treated you as well as you deserve. I didn't know how to treat you. I'm not completely sure that I do now." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing. "I keep people out. I want to let you in."

She wasn't smiling anymore, and for a moment he worried he'd said exactly the wrong thing. But she didn't look angry or upset, merely thoughtful. He waited for her to say something, but she didn't speak. She didn't even blink.

Finally, he asked, "Rydia? You still with me?"

A hint of a smile crossed her lips, and she averted her gaze. "Yes. Sorry, I was just... surprised. I wasn't expecting that."

After a moment, he said, "Well...?"

She looked at him again. Blinked. "Well, what?"

He started concocting a snappy one-liner, but made himself stop. He slammed the heel of his right hand onto the surface of the bridge, exhaling sharply. Stop! Just stop. You are not going to throw up sarcasm like a smokescreen and run away from this. Just be honest. If you get hurt, well, you probably deserve it. "Saying what I said... was really, really hard. Aren't you going to react at all?"

"I'm trying to figure out how," she said bluntly. "I appreciate you saying it. I do. Don't misunderstand that." After a moment of what looked like searching for words, she asked, "Why do you want to let me in?"

Isn't that part self-explanatory? "Why? Well, because... What do you mean 'why'?"

"I just want to be sure that I understand what you mean."

He searched for words. He felt pretty sure that somewhere in his thinking last night, there had been a good answer to this. Right about now, language seemed like a foreign medium to his brain. He spoke very slowly, thinking as he went. "I mean that I want to be honest and open with you. Because you're different from everyone else I've ever met."

"To my knowledge, there are no other eight-year-olds with the mind and body of a twenty-something." Again, there was no bite in her response, although she could have put it there had she so chosen. She was prompting him for more detail.

He almost winced at the reminder of her technical age. He still had to speak very slowly, because he had very little idea how his sentences were going to end when he started them. "Well, I hope your heart is all grown up, too. I'm not so sure that I want to let you in because you're different. I think you're different because I want to let you in. You're the only girl who didn't swoon over a cheap line from me. Or at least the only girl who I gave so much as a passing thought after she didn't swoon. And you're the only girl who I gave more than a passing thought at all. I worried about you when you took hits, and I wanted to see approval in your eyes when I fought well. With every other girl, it was about the moment. With you, it became about the next moment, and the one after that, and the one after that. With other girls, it was about fun. With you, there wasn't anything that I could rationally call 'fun,' but on several levels, it was so much more satisfying just being with you, whether we were buying new gear or fighting for our lives. Other girls I would forget the moment they left the room. You I couldn't forget when you were practically in another world."

He looked away. "Sorry, I guess I was rambling. Did that answer your question?"

"I think so." He wasn't looking at her, but he could tell from her voice that she was smiling. "And yes, my heart is 'all grown up,' too."

That got a smile out of him, and he dared to look at her out of the corner of his eye. She was looking right at him. Her smile was so warm. "You planning on doing any sharing of your own?" he asked, masking his nervousness with a little sarcasm. He figured that was all right.

"Maybe. I'll tell you this much--every time I think I've got you pegged, every time I tell myself not to hope for much out of you, you blow my expectations away."

"That's a good thing?" he asked, making sure.

"That's a very good thing," she confirmed. And then, in a mock-whisper, she added, "So what you should be doing now is stating simply and clearly just how you feel about me and what you propose to do about that, seeing as we won't be staying in Baron much longer."

"Thanks for the tip," he whispered back. He had still been looking at her from the corner of his eye, but now he turned to face her fully. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped himself. Instead of what he'd almost started to say, he laughed a bit. "You know, it really sucks the mood out of everything when you tell me what to do."

"I'm not giving you a script," she protested, a playful twinkle in her eye. "And besides, would you have thought to say such things if I hadn't told you?"

"Quiet, you," he said bossily. "I at least get to say what I want in my own way. So you listen, and you listen good. I love you, you hear me? So unless you are so revolted by that thought that you plan on siccing Bahamut on me, I don't want you going to back to live in a place that'll make you old enough to be my mother the next time I see you. I have absolutely decided that you are the woman I'm going to marry. You will be my queen and you will be the mother of my heir, and I don't care if I have to spend years convincing you before you'll agree to it. I hereby invite you to a visit of indefinite length to Eblan after we leave Baron, and if and when you desire to visit your family in the Land of the Summoned Monsters, I will go with you so you can't weasel out of this by getting all old on your own, and so I can convince your dear monster parents that they should help me convince you to marry me. And if you try to sneak off without me, I will hide in your bags--and remember, I'm a ninja, I can do that!"

When he finished, she just smiled for a moment. Then she said, "I'll take you up on that visit to Eblan. We'll see about the rest."

Allowing his face and voice to show his disappointment, he said, "You don't love me back."

"I'm not sure," she said bluntly. "I think I might, but I want to be certain. I know that I care too much about you to lead you on. But I'm more than willing to give you a chance."

Smiling, she leaned over to him, her face tilted upwards towards his. Was that an invitation? He didn't feel at all certain, but he wanted so badly to kiss her... he tentatively reached out a hand to stroke her cheek. She didn't resist the touch, so he craned his neck and planted his lips firmly but gently on hers.


End file.
